Friday's {Unloaded}

The little boys and I have been away from Todd for 17 days. :( But on the up side, we get to see him today!! :)

We made our way to Utah around the 20th of July and spent almost two weeks there swimming with cousins, visiting BYU, meeting up with Camille (a longtime friend from home) and her two little boys, eating yummy food, playing/dining with grandmas, enjoying the heat, etc.

All of the siblings and cousins were together at my parents' home on the Saturday, minus Scott, Kevin and Todd. My poor parents couldn't be there, but we were able to skype with them while out by the pool. The kids showed them how they could jump off the diving rock and dive for toys, and my parents got to see how their house was being destroyed in their absence. :)

The little boys stayed with my sister Kristin and her family for 2 1/2 days while I made a quick work trip to New Jersey. My mind is a bit confused these days - with all of the hat switching I do. I was in tears on the airplane leaving my boys behind, but when I reached my destination and was immersed in meetings, I felt driven and productive. I'm still trying to figure out how to transition my roles more smoothly while at home.... any tips?

The boys had a great time with cousin Jake while I was away. I gave Ryder one hug before I left and then asked for another, to which he responded, "Another hug?!? I already gave you one. Aren't you leaving yet?" That was my first clue he'd be more than fine without me for 3 days.

Hudson was my main concern, as he doesn't care for a bottle or a sippy. Plus, he's my baby. I had only left the older boys once before, and for only two nights. But I had never left Hudson. What would I do without him? What would he do without me? But it all worked out just fine. He slept better there than he had been doing for me, for which I was very grateful!

All of the boys enjoyed playing legos and rescue heroes and jumping on the tramp, along with a fun visit to the local dinosaur museum and a bit of exgavating.

Following Utah, we made the 13 hour drive to central California for a visit with my parents in the temple home. LDS temples are dedicated buildings reserved for special forms of worship. They are beatiful structures with a very tender feeling there. Our church has more than 130 temples worldwide, and my parents currently serve in a leadershp role for one of these temples. As such, they are living in a home owned by our church that is only a block away from the temple. It has been amazing to be here and feel of the love and strength that comes from temple work.

California is hot. Very hot. But I really enjoy it! Somehow, my body recognizes this heat and embraces it. The boys have loved trying out a slip n' slide and splashing around in a little pool, as well as evening walks to feed the ducks and morning walks to get yummy french toast at the nearby breakfast shop.

I miss my fresh, California fruit! For breakfast two days ago the boys had a large plate of fresh raspberries, strawberries, peaches and blueberries, along with a piece of toast.

It's just feels good to be "home."

But, we do miss Todd! Lucky for us we get to see him all weekend! We head to San Francisco today to meet him for a weekend of reminiscing, visiting with friends and enjoying all of our favorite places, of which we used to call "home."

Change is hard, isn't it? It's funny how I know how to change, yet something is stopping me. Something is keeping me from change. Fear of failure? Possibly. Fear of a new, uncertain normal? Yes. But in my mind, I know life would be so much better. So what's so great about the status quo that keeps me hanging on? Comfort, I'm sure. I think - actually I know it's time to get outside my comfort zone. Come on, Jenny, just make it happen.

Being a mother is the greatest thing of all. I love my boys. They make me smile. My mom was helping Cannon use the bathroom yesterday, and she said, "Cannon, you have such a nice mommy." To which he replied, "Yes, but sometimes she gets mean at me." My mom said, "I'm sure she only gets mean at you when you disobey, right?" Cannon, "Yes, I think so."

Cannon has started a routine of getting out of his bed 5 minutes after going down and proclaiming his need to use the potty. It's hard to tell him no, when you know he doesn't need to use the bathroom, yet you don't want to discourage his desire to do so. So, about a month ago, I finally embraced the ritual as normal. One night, as I was carrying him down the hallway to do his deed and we were laughing together, he said rather surprisingly and enthusiastically, "Mom! You didn't even get mean at me!"

I'm sorry I get mean at you sometimes Cannon. Mommy is trying to figure out life and be a little more patient. But one thing is for sure - I love you so very, very much! I promise to try and be better.

That's my goal each day - to just try and be a little better than the day before. I have so far to go, but I'm determined to make progress.

Happy Friday to all!

The end.